Dear Baby Jesus

Michele McDannold.

Thank you for the best childhood everPiss_Christ_by_Serrano_Andres_(1987)

for the nicely manicured lawns

dutifully tended to every Sunday

after church

for the sun tea baking on the porch

and the strawberries in the patch

Thank you, baby jesus

for the community free of minorities

and forward thinking

for the streets free of gang violence

for the jehovah’s witness even

and the evangelists

thank you for putting the shame on

all those unwed and/or single mothers

those people with the weak-minded mental illnesses

and the ghastly homosexuals

in general, just thank you so much

for putting a clamp down

on all the SEX stuffI didn’t know what my period was

until I got it one day in gym

that kinda sucked

but thank you

and maybe while you were hiding

all the dildos and other adult fun

you could have taught the old people

not to stick their fingers and whatnot

in the young people

that would have been nice

but oh well

maybe that’s why Billy Bob’s uncle

is also his dad

I never met anyone conceived from incest before


thank you, baby jesus

I know. I know

some people want to give all the credit to Satanstealingthemidnight


the Devil


he’s busy with wars


and shit


he wants the glory of all those big fatality numbers

you… you are oh so patient

killing them softly and gently

with shitty lives

contrived of stifling rules…

call it morality!

Shame, shame

the bent and twisted

call it love


I want you to have all the credit

saving us all from the fires of Hell

I can pray to you for forgiveness

I can pray to you for the Friday night football game

we can all join hands and pray pray pray

then sing the star spangled banner

oh, thank you, baby jesus

for making me an American

thank you for making us better

than every other nation in the world

so what if we drop the ball

in our schools

turn our backs

on mother nature

and would turn out

anyone or anything

in the best interest

of the almighty dollar

we are responsible for FACEBOOK

Honey Boo Boo

and taco shells made out of Doritos!

this is all thanks to you, baby jesus

but, wait…

I have more rights to my guns

than my own body!!

sweet baby jesus

thank you

oh, thank you

for Women that know their place

in dresses

in kitchens

in the delivery room

children, children, children

let’s have more babies, baby jesus!

Every last one of them, precious

until they learn to breathe

in the polluted

but free as all fuck

liberty-laced air

Click here to buy Michele’s Book of Poetry

Click here to visit her blog

batMichele McDannold was the Editor-in-Chief at Red Fez Publicationsfor five years and is currently the editor/publisher at Citizens for Decent Literature Press. She has an extensive collection of flannel and rubber chicken heads. She lives in Northwest Indiana and does various odd jobs at The Literary Underground. Michele’s first full-length poetry collection Stealing the Midnight from a Handful of Days is available from Punk Hostage Press, or signed copies can be had from Magical Jeep Distributing. There’s an “official” website at


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